Why do people only talk about the “Terrible Twos”? What about that age (say 16 months or so), where kids are starting to understand what you are saying, but can’t really communicate to you what they want? So how do they communicate? Through whining. Oh, and tantrums.
Up until this point, I have been amazed at what a good kid Ryder is. He is always sunny and he always listens. I have bragged about what a good, happy kid he is. Uh yeah. These last two weeks? Not so much. It’s like someone has replaced my sunny, happy boy with a stubborn, whiny, tantrum-throwing monster. I was not ready for this! I am humbled.
Yesterday we went to CVS to drop off a prescription and pick up a birthday card. When we got into the store, I set Ryder down and told him that he had to hold my hand, which he did. In my head, I had pictured the pharmacist ready and waiting with a smile to receive my prescription. HAHA! Instead, there was a surly, sour faced woman behind the counter who obviously had more important things to do than even acknowledge my presence.
After about three minutes, Ryder started to get enchanted with all of the shiny boxes, containers, shampoos, etc that surrounded him. He wanted to run. And touch. I knew I was losing him, so decided to pick them up. He wanted NONE of that. So began the power struggle. The power struggle that I immediately started to lose.
He started with a low, quiet whine/grunt thing. It quickly escalated to a high-pitch, top-of-lung wail. Before I knew it, I had become “That Lady”. I was seriously wishing the floor would just open and swallow us. Or that the Pharmacist would get her rear in gear. You’d think that she would just want me and my screaming banshee out of her store, but apparently she thought that if she stopped what she was doing and came over to wave at Ryder, it would all be better. Seriously lady? Just don’t.
Needless to say, I let her know I would be back a different day and ran out of there as fast as I could (but not before getting dirty looks from every person in the store) straight into the pouring rain. The same pouring rain that I spent 15 minutes in, trying to get a hysterical, crying, wailing kid into his car seat. Good times.
And the really sad part? That was only one of many, many temper tantrums over the course of this weekend. That doesn’t even include the testing of limits that took place. I am exhausted. I am also at a loss. I tried Time Out today, but of course there weren’t any clear results yet, as it was the first day. So what do you think? Is Time Out effective at this age? What has worked for you and your family? Please help me.
11 Comments
Skip the cheese and get some Wine for that Whine. Can’t say I have much advice for you yet, we are learning together…
I have tried Time Out but only when she has hit someone or Me in the face when she is mad and didn’t get her way. I think it really helped bc she doesn’t hit any more. The time out is like 1 min and I tell her she can’t hit and make her give me a hug. But if she is still sceaming when I walk into the room and won’t settle, i let her know that when she stops crying she can come out. She can’t say much but she understands and gets it.
I think it just depends on every situation and what you feel is not allowed. Best advise I got from my mom was that I’m the Boss and I’m in charge, not them. I always laugh to myself when I feel like she’s the boos and I’m running around like a crazy lady!
Have you read the book “1,2,3 Magic: Effective Discipline for children 2-12?” It has some good tips that we have implemented with both girls. It’s a counting system that allows you to give them a warning when they are exhibiting a behavior that you would like to stop. So, for example Emma starts whining. We say “Emma, that’s one!” Count for 5 seconds” and if she continues say “Emma that’s two!” Count for another 5 seconds. If you get to three then that’s a time out! We started Emma pretty young with the time outs when she would touch the TV, or whatever. She learned quickly not to do it. We use their ages as the duration of the time out. So, for Ryder-I would suggest the one minute time out. We used to use the pack n play as a time out, but it seemed more effective to time them out in their rooms/in the crib. The key is to not show any emotion. I know that is hard. I get so mad sometimes, and my hubby always has to remind me to do the time outs as calm as I possibly can. We use the one two three on Ellie and she knows when I start counting to stop doing what she is doing. They pick it up quickly..Hope this helps!
OK, first of all you were not “That lady”. You were ONE OF THE MANY MOMS who have been there. I swear the glaring jerkheads either don’t have kids or forgot what real kids are like. They’re in the same category as that crazy lady who snapped at you for not having shoes on your BABY in the STROLLER in the middle of the SUMMER!
Time out works as long as we are consistent with it. I have learned the hard way that the slightest deviation from the norm throws the whole process off. At any age, really.
As for time outs in the room, Grace equated her room into bad time. So when we wanted her to go play in her room or when it was time to go to bed, she thought she was in trouble. It might not have the same effect on other kids but we ended up getting a “TIME OUT” bench (my Dad gave it to her for her 3rd bday! HAHA). Having a designated spot has worked really well for us. Good luck, Momma!
Ooohh. I like the time out bench idea!
I’m going to have to get me one of those.
Time out’s made me more insane and I felt like I’d throw myself into traffic. They didn’t work for me.
With Miles, I used the “I’m taking (insert most prized possession) away until you can behave.” Worked like a charm.
The thing to remember is that when they’re young like that, to meet them at their eye level and keep your “speech” (it’ll get longer as he gets older, haah!) to a brief sentence.
You should have filled out your prescription. Like my Dad always said, “Why are you stressing? You’ll never see these people again!” It’s true.
Ah the good old days when one swat on the behind conveyed the message that you weren’t going to put up with any nonsense! And seriously, is your psyche damaged cause I swatted you? xxoo Mom
Ahhhh I loved reading this. Yep, I am in the same boat as you are. Not much advice here. But I have tried time out, and it seems to work (I think– I am a beginner too). We use the pack and play for a minute. But if he gives me “attitude” when I go in there after a minute, he stays a little longer.
But I still have NO idea what to do when he behaves like that when we aren’t home. And it seems when he has a tantrum out of the house, he goes so crazy that it is impossible to get him in the stupid car seat. Just happened to me when we were deep into target the other day…so again, I feel your pain, but I am at a loss too!
Terrible two’s is a myth. I usually find myself in the midst of a terrible two weeks every now and then in every age slot… 1, 2, 3 and almost 4. But then the storm passes. Boundaries are tested and defined and life goes on as usual. The sunny, happy, good listener returns.
I’ve done the time out thing (it was on the first step of the stairs). Worked well! I’ve resorted to rare and occasional swats (controversial, I know) but yeah, they totally work.
Now she’s older and can “lose privileges” and “suffer consequences.” Awesome! Just the vocab is enough to scare her into submission.
Mel, I think my comments are now longer than your original post, but I have to add…
The egg timer was (and still is) my BFF. I would explain, “You are not acting the right way. You need to calm down. When you hear the timer ding, it’s time to be happy again.”
She would often be mid-wail when the timer would go off and she’d yell, “The timer dinged!” and instantly be better. Just a little Pavlovian parenting for ya.
Anyway, she might’ve been a little older. I think at Ry’s age, I was still doing a lot of redirection unless it was total defiance.
Ok, really, I’m done now. Good luck!
K turns 21 months old in two weeks and we are doing the “terrible two” thing. Everything is “no” even when he wants it and we now have serious tantrums over getting in the carseat (in public – not in the garage – go figure). We do timeouts, usually about a minute long. And if it takes 2 or 3 or 4 successive time-outs to accomplish something, then that’s what we do. We do one swat on the bottom for only three things – biting (he almost got kicked out of daycare for that issue), hitting in the face, and kicking us in the face…the latter two are generally only done when he’s truly defiant and angry and needs an attitude check.
We’ve also been struggling over eating at home – he’s hungry but doesn’t want to eat what we give him. ARGH! Feel your pain!